Farewell, My Prince

I think it's time for a break from telling you all about my little adventure so I can tell you a bit about the funeral yesterday.

Currently, I'm sitting at home--tired and yawning, wanting to sleep, but can't. William's got a bit of fever and I can't sleep until it's gone down. He's tuckered out already, so he's not crying anymore, but I'm sure it's going to start up again soon enough. Now, I have to tell you all...though the war is long over...Severus hasn't returned to me. Draco is still here, but he's also made himself a little scarce...hopping from place to place...He visits every once in a bit, so I'm not mad at him...

Severus could have at least sent me those letters he promised! I've barely heard any word from him! And it's got me so upset I've started my old habit of hitting things....Luckily for me there was lots of wood and I still have one of the lightsabers given to me...The last thing I had from Dooku...

Oh! I suppose that I should explain a bit about William. I've never mentioned him before...Well, Willy is special. Very special. He's my son. Now don't go nuts on me...he's not my biological son! I'd never sleep with someone before marriage...let alone get pregnant! I adopted him after a strange fiasco between some Protectors of the Plot Continuum Agents and an alternate universe brought him to me. I'll go into full deatil about that later in the 'Keily's Chronicles' posts as he's a part of the reason I got kidnapped by Voldemort in the first place.

So William is my adopted son from an alternate universe...an alternate universe where Severus Snape had children! Yes, children...not child. William has a little sister, but I have no idea who or where she is....I suspect that she had been given to a different family in hopes of hiding her...I have to say that I was not thrilled at the 'Kenobi plot' being pulled off in front of me. One day I'll find William's sister, I'm sure...But for now...

We attended the service, William and I, taken there via shuttle. Lord Vader had been quite generous in giving us the lift down there. It had been William's first ride on a craft and he had looked pretty excited--a bit too excited. I couldn't get him to sit still the entire ride. I think he got on the nerves of the other passengers of the shuttle with his constant squealing. I admit that I might have snapped at him because my ears were ringing and popping at the time and I'm very sensitive about them. I had to bribe the kid with honeyed milk to make him stop crying when we reached Kenya's place.

The service was lovely and I cried a bit, my hand finding someone else's and squeezing it. I don't remember whose hand it was, but it had held mine during the entire service and I'd like to thank the owner of that hand for letting me hold it...especially if we're total strangers! If you were the one who had their hand held by a girl who looks like this and this, then I give you much gratitude for putting up with me!

I laid the bouquet of tulips I had taken with me to rest beside the marker for Dooku's grave where his ashes had been buried. I gave him a few prayers before following the others away from the site.

And then the party had begun.

It was spirited, fun, fast paced and a bit of a blur to me...and I didn't even drink anything! I remember William being pretty happy--what with all the attention he had received. He had changed hands more than that one bottle of Corellian wine had. I managed to meet up with his future godparents, too and chatted with them a bit about this and that...what they had to do and when the godparent naming ceremony would be. I also introduced little William to them who had gotten too sleepy at the time to do much.

After that, I decided to retire early as William was tired and so was I. Unfortunately, we couldn't get a ride anywhere just yet, so we wandered about the place set-up for the celebration party, William on hand...when I run into the most unlikeliest of people to appear there and he ends up whisking me away to England....or somewhere that felt like England...don't know how I could tell.

...But I had to restrain myself from flinging myself into Severus' arms like a lovesick dolt. William being in my arms not withstanding.

He regards me calmly, though I could tell from his eyes that he was regretting his actions just a bit. He eyes the sleeping babe in my arms, wondering whose it was, most likely. I gave him a shaky smile.

"So...finally decided to see me, did you?" I asked.

"Yes..." he replied.

An awkward silence stretches between us a neither of us know exactly what I to say. A million feeling course through my body--a billion thoughts race through my mind and I couldn't just pick one and give voice to it. I mean...when he left, he practically told me that I wasn't so bad to be around. And in one of my earlier posts I admitted to loving him, so...

Luckily, he manages to find something to say...and it's about what I'm wearing. He lifts one of the ends of my extremely long pink ribbon in my hair and smirks.

"New fashion statement?" he asked.

"Like you're one to talk about fashion, you batty old man."

He paused and looked up at me, holding the ribbon in between two fingers. His expression is one I've never seen before and it almost unnerves me.

"A 'batty old man' that you love." he replied coolly. He dropped the ribbon, crossing his arms as he waited for my answer to that one. Talk about your awkward silences. I had the decency to blush about it. Even though I pretty much screamed it to the world I had hoped that my 'declaration of love' wouldn't reach his notice. A romantic fool I may be, but even I know that Severus Snape's fondness could only go so far--especially towards someone almost young enough to be his daughter.

I sighed. What could I say? I couldn't deny it, but I couldn't confirm it either. So I just stayed quiet and looked at the ground, like so many of his students tended to do when they were guilty of exploding a cauldron.

"Who's this?" he asked, his voice sounding closer.

I almost jumped in surprise to find that he was just inches in front of me. How did he manage to get so close without my notice? "William...he's my son." I answered. I expected a pause to follow--or even some sort of snarky remark, but what I got instead was--

"May I hold him?" he inquired softly. Numbly, I let him take hold of the baby--his baby--cradling him so gently in his arms as if he had before though I knew it wasn't the case. It had been no surprise to me to find out that Severus had been Draco's godfather, so he had a bit of experience with infants. But still, to see him holding his son...his flesh and blood...

..Made my heart want to break. My eyes welled up and I tried to say something anything. Tell him that I loved him...scream at him again for being gone....say to him how impatient I was getting by waiting for him...

But I said nothing and just watched him hold William. I wondered what he thought then. Did he notice the similarities between them? Did he think that the baby's black hair came from me? That his lips were mine? Or perhaps he was thinking what a nose the boy had. I choked back a sob that wanted to come out. I was still emotional from the war, as well as the funeral that had happened earlier in the day.

After a while, he gave him back to me--his hands brushing along my bare arms. I shiver a bit--whether from the cool air or from his touch...I don't know. I really don't want to think about it.

We exchanged a few more words; got comfortable on some chairs in the room we had arrived inside and had a small conversation that I didn't remember all too well. The things I did manage to recall was that the conversation had been serious...very serious and I had wanted to cry some more...

...I don't want to bore or scare off you all with what was said and done, so I'll just sum it all up in the tears I had when he brought me home.

Severus is leaving.

For good.

He didn't want to admit it, but he said he was doing it for me...for Draco and everyone else. He had a lot to make up for and said he didn't deserve to be happy until he paid his dues....even if he had to die.

Count...what am I going to do?