Motherhood

Sorry for not posting in a long time. Real life got in the way--among other things--but I am back. So no worries! As school winds down and summer dawns up here in Canada...most likely I'll live a much more interesting life. But since I am here at the moment, I suppose I should say something of interest...sort of. I found it interesting and a bit distressing. The Twit found it hilarious while our resident Git just smirked knowingly at me.

Alright, as some of you might have realized from my few posts...I have a little sister. She's cute, I suppose. Really annoying at times and she can even get me pretty angry, but hey...she's a kid and I can't really hold it against her. Thing is I've always been called her 'Second Mama', as I take care of her more than my mother does. I know what you're thinking: "Oh, no! Not another teeny bopper who angsts about abusive parents!"

One, I am not a teeny bopper. I haven't been since I was...what...eight? And if it extends to teenage years I won't be nineteen for long. Next month is my twentieth birthday.

Two, my mother is NOT abusive. She's just irresponsible. She loves us just as much as any mother should...she's just bad with money and dealing with kids. She's still loving...to a point. You'd go crazy too if you had a daydreamer twenty year old daughter who isn't employed and a very young daughter who can't fend for herself just yet.

Anyways, I've always did my best for my little sister. Take her to school, prepare her meals, dress her up, get her to go to bed...that sort of thing. I play with her every day, tutor her...everything I wish I could do for my own kids. The topic of children has always been a very, vry, very sensitive point with me since an accident in my childhood wrecked my chance of having kids. Technically I could have kids if I decided to get operations or something of that nature...however...the chance of the child NOT being stillborn, miscarried or having some sort of disease is very low. So I don't have much of a chance of having my own flesh and blood kids.

Quite a few of my friends tell me that I would make a lovely mother by the way I treat them and my little sister. That the kids would be happy no matter what. Ha. If I could have kids.

Today as I took my sister to breakfast at her school I had to ask her a question. I knelt down to ask her if she wanted cereal or bagels and one of her friends pointed out that I talked like a mom. I was both nauseated and happy. A weird combination, I'm sure. Later on, other kids asked if I was my sister's mom and I had to fight back from crying. The cake was when my sister actually hugged me and called me mom.

I wonder if women, by nature, just get very sappy as they got older. I never used to be so emotional as a child. The only times I cried was when I got hurt. I suppose I could've ended up worse.

Snape and I met up at Melange de Magique as I walked home. It was a bit of a tradition now between us. He would head off to check the store while I took my sis to school and then we'd walk home together. We didn't talk to each other much--not that we usually do during our walks together anywhere--but the silence stretched between us seemed a little bit more unbearable than usual.

But things could have been worse.

But things look like they're looking up already.

Excuse the random sappy rant.