Kyxiel Report 2: Home Is NOT Where the Heart Is

Well, I really wonder how Keily could stand her family at time. Really, I do. That girl must have the patience of a saint whenever she deals with them to not want to go on a homocidal rampage because I sure as hell want to go on a homocidal rampage. But to keep up the charade that I am Keily, I had to pretend to be just like her--pretend everything is okay and smile.

Sometimes I really wonder if I'm really Keily's Nobody.

Anyways...a quick run through of why I wonder how Keily could possibly stand just living. Last month there was a shooting at her school. One person died and several others were killed. I had wanted to go in that day, but some sort of instinct kept me in the house that day (yes, Keily's parents didn't decide to throw her out of the house anymore, but on very strict and stiffling conditions). Had I gone I might have been injured or killed. It's this sort of memory...this incident at the school that curbs my hand...will most likely keep Keily's hand at bay whenever she brings it to mind.

Keily always hated being the butt of everyone's jokes, just because she was in adequate...in other words...dumb. It's not her fault she's never heard of a word before in a whole other language. And it's certainly not my fault for not knowing it myself.

I really hate Keily's family and I wish, very much, to take a sword and be done with it. However, my other wouldn't want that and I personally didn't want to have to explain to her why she was an orphan and without family. Morbid, I know, but I am pretty much Keily's Inner Darkness all wrapped up into one package.

I've been taking lessons in French with Keily's uncle these last few weeks and I absolutely dread them. I have a very basic sense of the language and I lack a very wide vocabulary and he doesn't undertsnad English sayings all that well, so he takes whatever I say at face value and then tries to tell me in his oh-so-subtle way that I am stupid for thinking such a thing. A man who works at a university he is, but a teacher he is not! He obviously doesn't understand how every person thinks differently...that they don't neccessarily have to deal with one thing the exact same way, though they do share some rudimentary things because it's been ingrained into their heads since ever.

Today's lesson was on the topic of road rage, but what the text wanted to tell us was that one must learn to be self-conscious and patient and tolerant.

He obviously followed it less than I did, because I certainly held myself back from totally kicking the table and walking away in a huff. Why do I say this? Because I didn't know one simple word and I asked for help on it. And do you know what he did?

He humiliated me.

I f--king hate Keily's family. Really, I do. Why? Because not only did HE humiliate me, but her parents got into it as well and when someone called on the phonje at the exact time, they even got that person in on humiliating me. I admitted I was dumb and that I was dyslexic (one of the few traits Keily and I shared), so he couldn't expect me to do everything perfectly right at a second's notice. And he made me feel even worse.

Yes, I know. Nobodies do not feel. However, we can mimic feelings very easily and were Keily there she would have felt rage...if not despair for disappointing her family again. All the kid ever wanted was the happiness of others and her family doesn't understand that. They think it a stupid, idealistic goal she could never achieve and that if she wanted them to be happy that she should get smart, graduate school, get a job and take care of them in their old age. Okay, maybe I went a bit overboard with the last sentence, but to Keily she had problems. Real problems that old school people like her family doesn't understand. Things like dyslexia, depression and simple wants do not get through to their minds. I can understand that they want their child to do well, but did they have to make her HATE them with every fibre of her being as much as she loved them? And believe me, I know this. I know all of Keily's heart's desires...it's one of the things you get good at noticing when you're a Nobody and have no heart. Ironic, eh?

I think Keily might have felt this through me because the dark clouds around us are getting worse. An aura of despair is seeping into the air...I've heard that her friends are even beginning to feel the effects.....

You know...I don't blame her for going nuts.

I just wish she'd see some sense again...

On the news of William, Snape and Draco....Draco went back with his mother and they're currently in hiding thanks to the Order. In Snape's case he's doing whatever he can to help the Order fight against Voldemort.

As for William...

I wonder what he's thinking. The kid's gotten really quiet. He won't laugh, giggle...talk. He's just a baby, but babies should make some sort of noise, right? I guess even he could tell something's wrong. He doesn't even make a sound when he cries...